I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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