just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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