She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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