What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
