Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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