i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
