Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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