thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Even my vagina gasped.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
