and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
