I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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