forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
