I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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