booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize