she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
