Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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