hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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