i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize
