Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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