I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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