i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dear god my vagina.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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