I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
