I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
