At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
