how can u be prego again
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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