I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She bit a glass in half.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize