You smell like a Billy Joel song
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
