He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize