he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
