Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
