It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
