and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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