I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize