Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
