After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
