what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
