when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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