Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
