So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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