I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
