guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
