his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize