I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
