Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
