I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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