Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
