I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
