If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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