are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
