Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
