I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
