I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Drake has all the answers
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
