I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
