ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
sarcasm needs its own font
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
