I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
