I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
