ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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