what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
