now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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