You're my little dorito
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
