I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Houston, we have a squirter
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
