I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
