i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
