he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
