So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize