we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
